CREATING MYSELF

I have sort of floated through my life for the last whole bunch of  years, achieving here and failing there.

So...

All of a sudden I get this command from the great unknown to actually create myself and take responsibility for who I am and what I have chosen. I believe that generally speaking this job is one most women do in their teens, twenties and thirties.  Not me. I was too busy proving myself to the rest of the world and when I wasn't doing that...drinking beer and getting into very difficult marriages. I have spent decades establishing patterns that don't work with the concept of creating myself. They are connected to doing what others want me to do, filling roles others want me to fill or that need filling, and floating along with out really thinking or making much of an effort.

Now, apparently, I am hag enough to be myself and ready to embark on the sacred and holy journey of becoming and /or revealing who God made me to be.

Just because this is absolutely necessary, sacred, and holy doesn't mean I am not scared out of my wits that I will not follow through.

I am petrified and excited and clueless.

Lovely.