WEIRD THINGS ABOUT ME

Here are five weird things about me:

     1.)     I only eat an even number of cheese and crackers. I'm not sure what I think will happen if I eat an odd number of  cheese and crackers but it doesn't matter because I don't do it.
     2.)     I keep my underwear in a drawer in my dining room. Either it's a freudian slip or I had an empty drawer and a need to put my underwear somewhere.
     3.)     I drive better when I wear lipstick. I don't question this. It's the way it is.
     4.)     I sleep on the floor all over the house. And sometimes I wake up in different places than where I went to sleep.  So far I haven't gone to sleep or woke up on the bathroom or the kitchen.
     5.)     I think people who drink grape soda throw up on buses. I think I'm right about this but I can't prove it.

OK... So I am weird...And honesty isn't always dignified...And I am not sure if this is about humility or humiliation...But it's the way I am and I am cool with it.

RIGHT

Sometimes...when I am at my most trivial and small...I give a crap about being right. Worse than that I loose site of the fact that I don't have the right to hurt people because I am right nor do I have the right to shove something down somebodies throat because I am right. At that point, I leave the land of trivial and small and jump headfirst into the land of disgusting. And damaging. And ignorant.

That is where I went today. It felt like it was justified at the time and it feels like $#!t now.

Damn it.

ABOUT ME

OK.... Jamie H. is NOT my real name. It is the name my boy gave me.  "H" IS my middle initial.  Hawk Kai is not my kids name either. It is what I call him because of his ability to see things so clearly.

I am not trying to hide anything whatsoever. I have chosen to use these names partly because they mean something to me and my kid and partly because I take the concepts of anonymity and humility very seriously. That is the reason I don't list my location.  I am hoping that what I choose to write about touches the human heart in all of us rather than some prescribed label group created to categorize people into certain places and leaving them there. I believe in everybody and I want this to be a place where people feel free to grow, heal, change and become whatever they are created to be. That may be harder if people knew who I am and where I am coming from.

That being said, I write about me, my life, loved ones, and my experience along my way and those that have met me may reconize some of my stories.  If that happens I ask that you not tell the world who I am because in reality, I am just one in billions, trying to do the next right thing. and while I do actually know my name, that is about all I know about myself. This whole thing is an expedition into the great wide open to find myself, create myself and be myself.

AHA!!

I bought some makeup at Belk yesterday and the saleswoman told me that for every one night makeup doesn't get washed off the face - the face ages three days.

I'm glad to know the reason I look seven hundred fifty three and a half years old.

Or - maybe I'm not so glad.  Some things just don't need knowing.

A LESSON IN HUMILITY

His name is Freedom and he is beautiful.

When he sees me he runs up and shows me every attention he can think of. He looks into my eyes and sees my heart. His whole body wags. He jumps around like hes just too excited to sit in one place. All is well on in the world when our dog loves me.

I feel totally enchanted and I tell my kid exactly that.

My kid says "don't get too big headed about all that love he's showing you Mommy. He also loves cat poop. And if he had to choose between it and you he'd take the cat poop".

"Of course" I say. "Yes." "You are right."
I felt the breeze when enchantment flew out the window.

I have never - until this moment - really and truely given any thought to how I stack up against cat poop and I am not liking it.

Round two: Cat poop-1, Me-0.

Unbelievable.