IF ONLY HE WOULD...

Me:  (in my absolutely correct, self-righteous voice)  "IF ONLY HE WOULD GET A JOB, STOP WITH THE DOPE, DO SOMETHING ABOUT HIS ANGER AND STOP MAKING EXCUSES THIS MARRIAGE COULD WORK".  I meant it too.

Her:   An awesome Higher Power with an awesome dog (in a non-judgemental ...for real... voice) "Do you look at the western skies and want them to be drywall and spackle instead of wide open? Do you look at a zebra and want it to be a giraffe, a kitten or a pine bark beetle? Did you look at  your week old son and want him to be potty trained and playing varsity basketball?"

Me:   "No. Never." In my head i was thinking "What kind of damn question is that?" but i didn't let it fly.

Her:   "Well then....you have a start and are on your way."

And so I was. The clueless look on my face was for real.

INTERVENTION

I watched INTERVENTION on TV for the first time and two weeks later I still have the urge to throw the sofa through the television.  What really kicked my butt was watching how deadly the enabling and care taking was and knowing just how much of it I have done in my life. I am totally and absolutely more comfortable being a drunk and belligerent abusive person and trying to change that than I am being somebody that is abusing somebody else in order to be comfortable and make myself feel OK. I always justify myself by saying that the other person will feel so much better if they just did things my way because I have their best interests at heart. Those last couple of statements prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that  honesty can be undignified.  And so can I.  Some parts of me make me want to puke.

Al-Anon...Here I come.