WEIRD THINGS ABOUT ME

Here are five weird things about me:

     1.)     I only eat an even number of cheese and crackers. I'm not sure what I think will happen if I eat an odd number of  cheese and crackers but it doesn't matter because I don't do it.
     2.)     I keep my underwear in a drawer in my dining room. Either it's a freudian slip or I had an empty drawer and a need to put my underwear somewhere.
     3.)     I drive better when I wear lipstick. I don't question this. It's the way it is.
     4.)     I sleep on the floor all over the house. And sometimes I wake up in different places than where I went to sleep.  So far I haven't gone to sleep or woke up on the bathroom or the kitchen.
     5.)     I think people who drink grape soda throw up on buses. I think I'm right about this but I can't prove it.

OK... So I am weird...And honesty isn't always dignified...And I am not sure if this is about humility or humiliation...But it's the way I am and I am cool with it.

RIGHT

Sometimes...when I am at my most trivial and small...I give a crap about being right. Worse than that I loose site of the fact that I don't have the right to hurt people because I am right nor do I have the right to shove something down somebodies throat because I am right. At that point, I leave the land of trivial and small and jump headfirst into the land of disgusting. And damaging. And ignorant.

That is where I went today. It felt like it was justified at the time and it feels like $#!t now.

Damn it.

INTERVENTION

I watched INTERVENTION on TV for the first time and two weeks later I still have the urge to throw the sofa through the television.  What really kicked my butt was watching how deadly the enabling and care taking was and knowing just how much of it I have done in my life. I am totally and absolutely more comfortable being a drunk and belligerent abusive person and trying to change that than I am being somebody that is abusing somebody else in order to be comfortable and make myself feel OK. I always justify myself by saying that the other person will feel so much better if they just did things my way because I have their best interests at heart. Those last couple of statements prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that  honesty can be undignified.  And so can I.  Some parts of me make me want to puke.

Al-Anon...Here I come.